1. (Open Christmas Morning, inside a Butcher Shop. An urchin child sits on a wooden stool, Constable and Butcher looming over him)
  2. Constable: All right, lets go over this one more time, kid.
  3. Urchin: I ain't lying sir, I swear!
  4. Butcher: Shit your yap, you!
  5. Constable: all right, kid. So you say you're walking along down the street, minding your own business
  6. Butcher: on Christmas morning, probably with burglary in mind...
  7. Constable: and that as you're walking along old Ebenezer Scrooge...
  8. Butcher: the meanest man in town!
  9. Constable: calls to you from his window...
  10. Butcher: known to despise both children and the poor...
  11. Constable: tosses you down some money...
  12. Butcher: Scrooge, widely known as a miser
  13. Constable: and asks you to come in here and buy a Christmas goose
  14. Butcher: the biggest goose I've got
  15. Constable: that accurate, kid?
  16. Urchin: that's what happened, just like I said
  17. Constable: kid, where did you get the money?
  18. Urchin: I ain't no thief!
  19. Butcher: a thief and a liar!
  20. Constable: Kid, if you make me fetch Mr Scrooge and drag him down here, is he going to tell me you're telling the truth?
  21. Urchin: if he doesn't then he's the one lying
  22. Constable: so be it, then. (To Butcher) keep an eye on him.
  23. (Constable leaves)
  24. Urchin: why are you open on Christmas, anyway? Shouldn't you be home with your family?
  25. Butcher: my wife is spending the holiday in Spain with her lover
  26. Urchin: oh. Sorry. No other family?
  27. Butcher: her lover is my brother. They send me postcards for my collection, so...
  28. (Constable returns, with Scrooge)
  29. Butcher: welcome, Mr Scrooge
  30. Scrooge: hello to you, my good sir! Look here, a boy! The very same charming boy I sent on an important errand this morning, I believe!
  31. Constable: your story checks out, kid
  32. Urchin: I told you!
  33. Butcher: I can't believe it!
  34. Scrooge: yes, indeed! I tasked this chanting boy with fetching a Christmas goose that I might deliver to my employee, Bib Cratchett
  35. Urchin: whoa, say what?
  36. Scrooge: eh?
  37. Urchin: what do you mean, you're buying that goose for someone else?
  38. Scrooge: why yes! Surely you didn't think--
  39. Urchin: you see a starving child Christmas morning and send him to go pick up dinner for someone else?
  40. Scrooge: well I never said the goose was for...
  41. Urchin: you'll have to excuse me for getting my hopes up when some rich asshole threw me some money Christmas morning. What could I have been thinking.
  42. Butcher: watch your language, kid
  43. Constable: let it go, man
  44. Scrooge: perhaps I could have been a bit more clear in my intentions...but I assure you, I can explain everything. You see, I was visited by several ghosts last night...
  45. Constable: ghosts?
  46. Scrooge: yes, they were quite frightening at first, but soon we were all off together on a voyage across time and space...
  47. Butcher: dear lord
  48. Constable: why don't you have a seat, mr Scrooge?
  49. Scrooge: oh I'm much to excited to sit! Indeed, I feel like I might dance, instead!
  50. Constable: kid, go fetch the doctor
  51. Urchin: I'm done doing favors this morning. I'm already out a goose
  52. Constable: give the kid his goose, will you?
  53. Butcher: I believe I will. On mr Scrooges account, too
  54. Urchin: in that case I'll have some sausages, also
  55. The end