Details of Scorsese's Next Film That Only I Am Privy To

  1. Leonardo DiCaprio plays young Robert DeNiro
  2. Robert DeNiro plays old Leonardo DiCaprio
  3. At some point they kiss and this results in a black hole that devours the universe
  4. All that's left is a vast white space in which Scorsese himself literally wrestles a big bible while The Rolling Stones blare
  5. Joe Pesci is inside the Bible costume
  6. Rupert Pupkin refs the match
  7. Jordan Belfort is the Bible's manager and he distracts Pupkin so the Bible can pull some illegal moves
  8. The movie is going to be released exclusively on Crackle
  9. And it takes place in an alternate reality where Crackle is way more popular than Netflix
  10. There are multiple scenes where one character mentions Netflix and another character says 'is that thing still around? Here, have an RC Cola and tell me why you bother with such a flawed streaming service'
  11. RC Cola is putting up a quarter of the budget