EVERY GAME IS GARBAGE

  1. Monopoly
    What a fun opportunity to put yourself in the shoes of an aging honky oligarch exploiting everyone and everything in sight with no repercussions. If you had any sympathy for the Occupy movement you have no right to keep this trash in your home.
  2. Cranium
    An exciting and imaginative romp for people with no imagination or sense of fun
  3. Scrabble
    Are you both pretentious, semantic AND into things that take forever? here's your Friday night.
  4. Settlers of Catan
    I played this once and id rather have liquified spiders injected into my balls than play it again
  5. Clue
    Only Parker Brothers could make murder seem quaint.
  6. Risk
    I think I'd be into this one if my time on earth wasn't ultimately finite.
  7. Chess
    All the stupidest people I've met in my life are really into chess and take it really seriously.
  8. Go
    Playing Go doesn't give you eastern wisdom, sorry.
  9. Carcass one
    You know the one I mean. I don't even respect this thing enough to muddle through autocorrect Tibet it's name right.
  10. Stratego
    I actually kind of like this one
  11. Checkers
    Actually I like checkers too