HOUSEGUEST PROTOCOL

  1. Do bring a gift for your host
  2. Don't make that gift four ferrets with cognitive disorders
  3. Do clean up after yourself
  4. Don't use all my Tupperware containers to preserve your bowel movements
  5. Do offer to pay your own way
  6. Don't try to pay for dinner at Applebee's by betting the waitress you can guess her birthweight
  7. Do let your host know if you need anything to be more comfortable
  8. Don't breastfeed those imbecilic ferrets on the porch