HOW I ENDED UP BARFING IN FRONT OF MY STUDENTS

Requested by @sally
  1. The 2 things in the word that fill me with real horror are MC Skat Kat and maple syrup
  2. This isn't about MC Skat Kat though
    Thank god. I used to imagine he was watching me and have to go hide. Even well into High School
  3. A year ago I got a gig teaching Fiction at a really nice college
    A place I wouldn't have been able to attend in a million years
  4. I bought all these new clothes
    This was the first time I ever tried a sweater over a button up shirt. I felt so fancy
  5. This class met at 1230 in the afternoon so the students would often bring food to class
    often breakfast stuff since most of them didn't wake up until 5 minutes before class
  6. One day a student bought in a styrofoam container with a stack of pancakes and a little glass bottle of real maple syrup
    My hang up with syrup has to do with an irrational fear of getting it in my bodyhair or in my face
  7. I noticed this and decided to try to ignore it. The plan that day was to discuss a Kelly Link story id asked them to read
  8. During our discussion of the story this kid dug into the pancakes but instead of pouring the syrup on like a normal person she poured it over her fingers and then drizzled it onto the pancakes
    She sat right next to me too. The classroom was small, barely big enough for the conference table we sat around
  9. I started feeling ill and sweating...
    You're about to think I'm making this up but I'm not
  10. ...and decided to take off my sweater. But when I tried to get it off I somehow snagged a button in the shirt under the sweater and it got stuck. I panicked and pulled really hard and both shirts came off
    They were all tangled up dangling from my arm
  11. There was a moment of absolute stillness in the room. Almost peaceful
  12. everyone started laughing. I did too. It wasn't really that embarrassing because it was so ridiculous
  13. I quickly pulled my clothes back on only to realize that the collar of my sweater had brushed this girls pancakes and had syrup all over it
  14. Syrup was touching my face
  15. I thought, this is fine. This is not something to get upset about
    I might have muttered this actually
  16. And then threw up into my hands
    I've thrown up because of syrup many times
  17. I ran out of the room still throwing up and down the hall to the bathroom and got myself cleaned up
    A student followed me and let me borrow his sweatshirt to change into
  18. When I got back to class I explained what had happened because I didn't think there was any way around it
    And because being a good teacher means being transparent. I hope.
  19. The girl who brought the pancakes later sent me a very sweet note. She felt so bad, which I felt terrible about.
  20. We never really finished talking about the Kelly Link story.