HOW TO MAKE FOOTBALL MORE INTERESTING

  1. Quarterbacks wear mascot costumes
  2. Let em do jump kicks
  3. Instead of losing ground as a penalty, a picture of the offending players disapproving father appears on the jumbotron for the next 3 plays
  4. Whichever team is losing at the half during the super bowl has to perform the halftime show
  5. Make Jonathan Franzen work on his next novel at a desk set at the 50 yard line during a Vikings game
  6. The losing team has to renounce Jesus Christ and pledge to spend the remainder of their lives in service to satan
  7. One player on each team gets to wield a hammer
  8. Make this deal: if the Redskins win the super bowl playing without helmets they can keep their name forever, if they lose they have to change their name to the Washington Baby Nerds