I WORKED IN A DUNK TANK

  1. when I was 15 I worked at bush gardens and got to sit in the dunk tank
  2. I insulted people walking by to get them worked up to play the game. It was 5 bucks for 3 balls
  3. There was a list of park certified insults I was supposed to shout out
  4. The only one I remember off the list was 'seems a shame to have destroyed a tablecloth to make that shirt'
  5. I'd throw in lines from caddyshack sometimes too
    A hat like that should come with a free bowl of soup
  6. The water in the tank was filthy
  7. One day this guy started playing the game and became obsessed with dunking me
  8. He spent 5, 10, 15, 20 bucks
  9. He couldn't hit the target. His face was so red
  10. I told him that if he paid for one more game and didn't dunk me I'd let him run up and slap the button with his hand
  11. He paid, missed, launched himself over the counter and ran up to hit the button
  12. As soon as he was in range I started kicking water out of the tank at him, drenching him
  13. And he slipped
  14. And bashed his head on the ground. Came up with a big bloody wound along his hairline
  15. I panicked and ran like hell and hid behind this big enclosure where they kept grounded bald eagles across the way from the dunk tank
  16. All the Eagles went nuts and started attacking the fence to get at me
  17. And I could hear my supervisor yelling for me to come out
  18. And I saw these medics running over to take care of the injured dude
  19. And sometimes I think everything that's happened to me since that moment is a dream I've been having and that im still there waiting to see how it would all play out