IF I WAS A COMPETITOR ON AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR

  1. At first I'd flex a bunch and rub my hands together like, okay here comes some real awesome physical shit, it's on
  2. And then I'd stop and look at the camera and say, you know, physical prowess is valuable but what's really neat is STEM
  3. Like, did you know that there are so many different kinds of rocks?
  4. And then one of my muscle bound competitors would yell out, How many different kinds of rocks are there?
  5. And I'd be like oh shit I have no idea
  6. But I wouldn't admit that
  7. Instead I'd say, there are almost as many types of rocks in the world as there are in that head of yours dum dum
  8. Thinking my wit will win the crowd to my side
  9. And the muscle bound competitor would be like, dude that's unkind
  10. And the crowd would boo
  11. So then I'd try to get through the course in record time to win them back to my side
  12. And probably break my collarbone on the first obstacle
  13. And the guy I called dum dum would be the first one at my side. He'd pick me up and gently carry me backstage where the paramedics would be waiting for me
  14. And I'd say, You taught me something about kindness today, sir
  15. And he'd say, That's because I am your lord and savior Jesus Christ
  16. 9 out of 10 people won't have the conviction to relist the parable you just read
  17. But that 1 person who does
  18. Is almost definitely going to be @Waz