JOBS I AM SURPRISINGLY UNQUALIFIED FOR

  1. Mannequin
    Too real
  2. Guy who masturbates sea turtles
    Grossed out by turtle semen
  3. Mary Steenburgen
    There already is one
  4. President of Afroman fan club
    Don't give a shit about Afroman
  5. College instructor
    Don't tell anyone, they haven't figured it out yet