My pitch for the Mary Poppins sequel

  1. We open in Columbia. The year is 1990
  2. Mary Poppins - who has barely aged a day due to her magical powers, is retired. She now spends her days rehabilitating roosters rescued from the fighting pits.
  3. An American man sent by a wealthy family in need of her assistance appears in the village where Mary lives and offers her whatever she wants if she'll accompany him back to New York
  4. Mary Poppins isn't into it at first but changes her mind when she realizes that the money this stranger is offering her would pay for expanded rooster rescue facilities
  5. So she's off the New York
  6. Where she meets her new charges
  7. Eric (age 6)
  8. Donald Jr (age 13)
  9. Ivanka (age 9)
  10. Their father is indisposed due to an infection caused by an experimental Lithuanian scalp transplant and the children are running amuck
  11. Mary's first order of business is to encourage the children to clean up after themselves by teaching them a song about responsibility
  12. Don Jr responds by willfully shitting his pants and offering Mary $200 to clean him up
  13. Mary sings, "Well having loads of money can be a lot fun/ but never think that money...
  14. $500, Don jr says
  15. Mary sings, "the birds that sit up in a tree/they do not have a price...
  16. $1000, Don jr says
  17. Mary stops singing
  18. She takes the offer.
  19. Later in the film Mary discovers that Ivanka is selling snap bracelets with the word Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious written on them. When Mary says it'd only be fair that she receive a cut of the profits Ivanka reveals that she's trademarked the phrase
  20. Mary spends the rest of the movie in court trying to win her magic word back and fighting to make Don Jr pay up that $1000
  21. The kid's father returns at the end and is so pleased with how his children have behaved that he pledges to learn all their names
  22. Mary Poppins returns to Columbia and discovers that while she was in NY Trump purchased the land she was using to rehab roosters and turned it into a parking lot.