My pitch for the next X-Men movie

  1. We open in 1995
  2. Jean Grey is attending a concert by The Rembrandts
  3. They launch into their hit 'I'll be there for you' and Jean begins to question whether she has anyone in her life who would be there for her
  4. She gets so stressed out and sad that her powers go haywire and she manifests the dreaded Phoenix Force
  5. Everyone at the concert is killed
  6. Meanwhile back is Westchester the rest of the xmen are talking about how it's 1995
  7. Beast is like, hey did you guys hear about this thing called Yahoo?
  8. And Jubilee goes, no we're too busy discussing how Nick Leeson lost 1.4 billion dollars speculating on the Tokyo Stock Exchange, causing the collapse of the UK's oldest investment banking firm
  9. Berings Bank? Beast asks
  10. The one and only, Jubilee replies
  11. Iceman says 'I'm surprised you guys aren't talking about how cool lean pants that ride the hip and blue-frosted eye shadow are'
  12. Jubilee goes, why don't you go chase a waterfall, Bobby'
  13. Nice reference to a currently popular song, Iceman says
  14. Meanwhile Jean Grey/Phoenix is ripping the eastern seaboard to shreds
  15. A 14 year old named Tim Batton walks out of the theater after seeing Braveheart and discovers the devastation
  16. Surely the X-Men will save us, he thinks
  17. Meanwhile the X-Men are talking about how weird it is that Magneto must be in his 60s but looks 39
  18. Prof X rolls up and says, 'don't pull that thread too hard, my X-Men'
  19. Meanwhile since the X-Men are no shows i decide to take care of the Phoenix Force myself
  20. Actually no i mean not me this Tim Batton guy
  21. And he teams up with my favorite X-Men character of all time...
  22. Maggot!
  23. If you don't know, those 2 metal slugs are his digestive system
  24. They come out of his body and eat stuff and then go back in him and power him up
  25. He's South African
  26. I guess he was In the same showing of Braveheart that I was
  27. I mean Tim
  28. Anyway they fight Phoenix
  29. Meanwhile the X-Men are organizing their Beanie Babies, which were very popular in 1995
  30. Meanwhile maggot and Tim calm Jean down by singing You Are Not Alone to her
  31. Jean goes, how do we feel about Michael Jackson in 1995? Have the accusers stepped forward yet?
  32. And Tim goes, what do you mean?
  33. Jean says, nevermind
  34. Just then Kurt Cobain steps forward and says Hey that's a cool name for an album
  35. And Maggot says, No shit your band Nirvana put out an album called that in 1991
  36. And also you died a year ago
  37. And then SNAP Kurt Cobain turns out to be MYSTIQUE
  38. And we all laugh
  39. And suddenly we all start kissing
  40. And then more than kissing
  41. And Tim is even kissing Maggot and it's cool, everyone is caught up in the moment
  42. Then Mystique takes on the form of the girl who worked in bagel store with the bangs but she has my mom's voice
  43. And suddenly I wake up
  44. Wait I mean this is a movie pitch not a dream I had
  45. Shit how do I delete this