NORTHERN PEOPLE VS SOUTHERN FOLK

Born in New York, raised in Virginia. Here's what I've learned.
  1. When people in the north get a deer tick, they remove it with tweezers, disinfect the area, and Google Lyme disease
  2. When people from the south get a deer tick, they poke the thing deeper inside their bodies with a special tool so that it can join the thousands of other insects that live inside our bodies and run our internal organs like filthy little factory workers
  3. People from the north vote for the candidate that speaks to their values
  4. People from the south decide who to vote for based on which candidate's seersucker suit glistens with the least amount of sweat after a daylong bbq and bluegrass festival out on the edge of the tobacco field
  5. People from the north use apps like Tinder to find a suitable mate
  6. People from the south wander down to the WalMart and hump whoever's hanging around the garden section
  7. People from the north think animals have souls
  8. People in the south know for sure animals have souls. We also know how to extract them and and keep them in special amulets that our women wear to prevent the loss of bone mass as they age
  9. People from the north go out for karaoke
  10. People in the south make their own music by vibrating the thin, membranous portions of their exoskeletons and amplifying the sound to deafening levels by projecting it through resonance chambers in their tracheas
  11. People from the north keep their religious views private
  12. People in the south have their faces branded with images of the Corn God and prick their fingers and flick the blood at any unbelievers they encounter