REASONS I'LL BREAK UP WITH YOU

Inspired by @DanaDigsYou
  1. You refuse to clap after I do a perfect backflip
  2. Your daughter eats my ferret
  3. I see the new trailer for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and realize you're actually Jessie Eisenberg and not Michael Cera
  4. You put too much of your head in my mouth when we smooch
  5. Instead of nipples you have tiny Walter Matthau heads on your boobs
    And they yell at me when I come close