1. The only difference between that woman and a possum is that a possum in an arboreal marsupial and that woman is my human wife
  2. What is it about slapping your hands together that makes a sound? Perhaps I could do some research and figure it out, but if I don't know by now chances are I don't need to
  3. Looks like someone dropped a couple cornbread crumbs in the wood chipper but don't think for a moment that's enough to lure me into a trap. When I get lured into a trap it's because I love traps, I surely do
  4. There's nothing like a boner to remind your pants there's a dick inside them
  5. On my deathbed my old daddy looked up and me and he said, There should be more shows on television where old men wearing Blue sweaters over a white collared shirt deliver lunch on a tray to elderly millionaires. Now I've spent a lot of time thinking over this and you know what I've concluded? He was right.
  6. Weak men worry about how they'll be remembered. Strong men listen to P-Funk in their cousin's van down by the quarry and worry about remembering how to get home.