1. I need suggestions of weird, unexpected, but relatively clean phrases I can try to fit into my lecture while teaching tonight
  2. Just a couple of words. A weird sentence of even a topic.
  3. Because this job is boring and I need to spice it up with absurdity
  4. The cantaloupe anxiously awaited her turn for consumption, but she was never chosen for the mouth party.
    Suggested by @emilyannlosey
  5. The finger sandwich was awful enough to make her wonder if the moniker was also the ingredient list.
    I wrote this down and saved it from a Harlan Coben novel.
    Suggested by @jennifergster
  6. "Fetid beyond all conception."
    Cc: @ChrisK (Google it if you're in the mood for one of the strangest Wikipedia articles in existence.)
    Suggested by @gwcoffey
  7. Catch you guys on the flippity-floppity
    Suggested by @BWN_7
  8. What in the flippin floop? Am I right?
    Suggested by @drugs
  9. The cows were wearing stickers that said "I denied a welcome from the president"
    Suggested by @hailey
  10. Like a man without nipples, what difference does it really make?
    Suggested by @bdot
  11. I mean who who who even looks at the price tag?
    Suggested by @k8mcgarry
  12. Brosé
    Suggested by @13spencer
  13. Don't ever play Hide-n-Seek with mountains; they're always peaking.
    Adapted from my 6 year old's favorite joke.
    Suggested by @rachelmlucas
  14. And so I picked up the spatula, pointed at the mashed potato sculpture of my half-sister's beloved, and muttered: "This is completely unacceptable, young man".
    Suggested by @lynn0826
  15. While I adore Sandra Bullock, I wish she'd stop sending me racist memes.
    Suggested by @emilyannlosey
  16. "An interesting historical aside is that Grover Cleveland won the popular vote for president three times, but only served two terms as president due to the electoral college."
    Suggested by @andersun
  17. Sphincter says "what"?
    Say it fast so everyone say "what" then smile.
    Suggested by @MichaelRose
  18. I accidentally just emailed my mom a picture of the inside of Jeffery Dahmer's freezer.
    Suggested by @carlsaganlives
  19. "Just like Ronald Reagan always said, 'Reach for the stars, Jim.'"
    Suggested by @JeremyPivot
  20. I'd really like to help you, but my wardrobe is ablaze.
    Suggested by @saytrumbo