With apologies to @dfly
  1. Oh wow I'm pretty profound.
  2. Has anyone had me before?
  3. I might be a legitimately fresh take on this issue.
  4. This is awesome.
  5. Cows
  6. That was weird. I have nothing to do with cows.
  7. Anyway.
  8. Maybe I'll get tweeted.
  9. I might be a little too complex for Twitter, actually.
  10. Holy shit I could be the basis of a think piece
  11. Maybe I'll end up on Slate!
  12. A woman dancing to The Misfits in a bikini on the beach
  13. Whoa that was intense.
  14. Focus, damn it.
  15. A think piece on Slate. Yeah. I think I could sustain that.
  16. 100000 tiny naked women swarming into the shape of a life-sized woman, like when bees become a fist or an arrow in cartoons.
  17. I wonder how someone goes about pitching a piece to Slate?
  18. If a cow eats a bunch of marijuana will it produce milk that gets you high?
  19. Damn it why is this happening?
  20. Because I'm an idiot
  21. Worthless
  22. Slate would never run a thought like me
  23. I'm sure other people have had me
  24. I've probably been considered and refuted 100 times by now
  25. Unless I really am a fresh take
  26. Maybe I've never been phrased like this
  27. Dustin Hoffman and Paula Poundstone having sex on the wing of a 747 at 10,000 feet
  28. Maybe I'm actually really insightful
  29. Swerve into oncoming traffic
  30. No don't do that. Write me down first.
  31. If Jurassic Park was real the bathrooms would be disgusting
  32. Wait how was I...
  33. PJ Sander's brother screaming: You can't be on our kickball team, slow bitch
  34. There was part of me that had to do with that article from the Times...that's where I started
  35. Hearing PJ Sander's brother lost his foot to diabetes and laughing
  36. Was it the Times or the Post?
  37. Whale's have a prehensile penis that looks like a tentacle
  38. Wait I'm...
  39. My parents are getting so old
  40. ...have to remember to...
  41. I hope some idiot doesn't shoot me in the face
  42. ...Slate...
  43. Giphy