1. When the guy at the frozen yogurt store offers me a discount if I promise not to circumcise my son
  2. When I'm hooking up with a girl and she asks me to describe a seagull in excruciating detail
  3. When the cable guy asked me to hold his glass eye while he petted my dog
    Why couldn't he pet her with the eye in? How did he get in my house?
  4. When I got 6 fortune cookies in one month with the fortune 'David is not the person that you think he is'
    I don't know anyone named David
  5. When this dude called me asking for Sandra and I said he had a wrong number and he said 'maybe you have the wrong number' and I said 'this is the number they gave me' and he asked me to promise not to get my son circumcised