THINGS THAT MAKE SEEING A MOVIE IN THE THEATER STRESSFUL

Going to the movies is pretty much the thing I like most and that's probably why I get so uptight
  1. Audience members who think they're smarter than the movie they are watching and need everyone else to know
    Maybe you are smarter than the movie dude but wait until it's over to make sure. This guy in Mad Max just now loudly complained about how dumb every plot point was but his assumptions were way off every time
  2. People who finish their drinks and then loudly eat the ice
    I actually yelled at a dude about this during Silver Linings playbook a few years ago and didn't feel bad when the lights came up and I saw that he was easily 80 years old
  3. Classy theaters with plush, assigned seats
    I don't want want to sit 8 feet away from my companion and I need to freedom to get up move is necessary
  4. Theaters that serve meals during the show
    I went to a cinema cafe once and after the show had to walk over plates of chicken bones set in the aisle like I was escaping a cave or something
  5. This recurring fantasy I have where the theater is overrun by a pack of wolves
    See the 3rd Matrix movie on mushrooms and pay for it the rest of your life
  6. People who think it's okay to use your phone to text.
    It's not okay! The sudden screen light shines so bright in the darkened cinema and disturbs everyone!
    Suggested by   @hannahstark
  7. People who think it's cool to check their phone if they kind of tilt the screen towards their chest
    These people don't understand how light works