THINGS YOU'RE DOING WRONG

  1. Removing your feet
    Don't waste time and energy sawing through all that bone, simply shatter your ankle with a hammer before you begin cutting
  2. Being Texan
    Don't be so shy, bring it up once in a while
  3. Rolling up your sleeves
    Wait until your shirt is on
  4. Threatening your landlord
    Be vague. Alluding to what you'll do if he doesn't replace the hinge on your mailbox gets it fixed just as quick as a specific threat but is much harder to prosecute
  5. Giving yourself a colonoscopy
    Just swallow your pride and get your cousin to do it for you.
  6. Playing fuck/marry/kill
    Remember, you get to fuck the one you marry over and over and over