1. What did you do to provoke the bear?
    I exist in the fucking world is what I did, you want me to apologize for that?
  2. I remember one time I saw a bear at the zoo and was like, I wouldn't want to run into that guy in the woods!
    This isn't about you
  3. What kind of bear was it?
    Why is that important? Is getting mauled by a grizzly bear any better or worse than a black bear?
  4. The scars are barely noticeable
    You might not be aware of the scars the bear left on the inside, though
  5. Are you former Olympic diver Greg Louganis?
    You should never ask anyone this. Even if you run into Greg Louganis, leave him alone.
  6. I guess your camping days are over, huh?
    Thanks for reminding me
  7. I can understand your pain. I was fired from my job last week.
    Its not really the same thing is it?
    Suggested by @dudleyjoshua