TIPS FOR NATIONAL NOVEL WRITING MONTH

  1. Good endings are simultaneously inevitable and surprising. Consider ending your novel with the main character traveling into the future and having sex with his or her own ghost. No one is going to see that coming.
  2. Pace yourself--your novel doesn't have to become a veiled attack against your mother right away. Save that for around the middle, or the last couple days when you're out of steam
  3. Constantly compare yourself to other writers and internalize the idea that their success is at your expense.
  4. Talking through your plot is a great way to make sure it's well thought out, but it can be tough getting anyone to listen and give honest feedback. If you're having a hard time finding someone to talk to, wrap the outline of your novel around a brick and throw the brick through the windshield of a cop car. Trust me, they'll get in touch with you.
  5. If the ideas aren't flowing, try giving up and learning a useful trade because you don't have what it takes to write anything that anyone would ever want to read.
  6. For a one time fee of $175 dollars, the national novel writing month organizers will send you a box of chicken bones in the mail. No explanation. Sometimes I wonder what the deal is with those guys.