WAYS TO DEAL WITH BREAKUPS

Inspired by @zoe
  1. Stay friends with your ex and aggressively question all her choices to show her you still care
  2. Drive around listening to the radio all night. At first every song will remind you of your ex, but soon if you're lucky no song will sound even the littlest bit relatable, because your pain will have killed whatever it is that made you human
  3. Develop an idea for a sequel to that movie Willow and stop at nothing to pitch it to every barista at the Starbucks near your house
  4. Go spend some time at the house where you grew up
  5. Find an old box of pogs in your room
  6. Sift through the pogs. You had some cool ones!
  7. Here are some with looney tunes characters
  8. Here are some with Beavis and butthead on them
  9. Wait a minute--a few of these have Minions on them
  10. How is that possible?
  11. These thing have been sitting in a box since like 1996
  12. Are these just characters that resemble the minions? No--it says Minions on the back...
  13. Do minions somehow predate the Despicable Me movies?
  14. Is this a good excuse to call your ex? Would she find this interesting?
  15. You promised you'd keep in touch
  16. Did the two of you ever talk about pogs?
  17. Or minions?
  18. But wouldn't you be upset if she stumbled into some pog mystery and didn't tell you about it?
  19. Call her
  20. Okay she must be at work.
  21. Whoa she changed her voicemail message
  22. She sounds happy
  23. It's really over, isn't it
  24. It's really over