WHAT PEOPLE AT THE GYM WERE THINKING THIS MORNING

  1. The treadmill is the best place for me call my wife (?) and discuss my guilt at not reaching out to my dying brother
  2. The treadmill is also the best place for me to begin cold-calling realtors to gauge their interest in helping me sell this parcel of land I'll inherit once my brother is dead
  3. There's no way this much younger woman will be able to resist falling into bed with me once she's heard me opine about the best locations to go crabbing for like 12 minutes
  4. There's no better time to really slowly eat a banana then while lounging around nude in the locker room.