1. Two of your childhood friends were killed by snap bracelets
  2. You survived on nothing but dunkaroos and gushers for over a week before the police arrived with the jaws of life and rescued you from the wreckage of your parents minivan
  3. You still think of the democratic republic of the Congo as Zaire
  4. Whenever you visit the house you grew up in you take a moment to leave flowers at the tamagotchi graveyard in the backyard
  5. Your physical decay is increasingly difficult to ignore