1. The best way to "stick it to the Man" is by getting free refills
  2. Going back to sleep is better than going to sleep the first time
  3. Bowl cuts were never a good idea
  4. When you're embarrassed about how big your order is at Krystal, pretend to talk to an imaginary passenger so the drive thru worker doesn't think it's all for you
  5. Learn who you've told certain jokes to so you don't repeat them to the same person (I learned this but I don't know if he ever did)
  6. How to properly execute self-deprecating humor
  7. When it comes to airport security, it's every man for himself. When I was ten the drug dog mistakenly thought I had drugs in my backpack and I was scared so I looked to my dad, who was backing away slowly
  8. How to eat all of my dessert really fast and then pretend I never got any
  9. How to look for the perfect biscuit-to-chicken ratio, although we disagree on where this is found
    I say it's ChickfilA, he says Bojangles
  10. If you tell young kids you'll time them to do something, you can make them do almost anything
    You really don't even have to time them, just make up a random number when they get back