I wish:

  1. It was easier to be funny in list-format
  2. Gas was free
  3. I knew how to dance
  4. Tennessee didn't catch that Hail Mary
  5. Cookies were extremely healthy for you
  6. Food was also free along with gas
  7. Donald Trump didn't run for President
  8. Hillary Clinton didn't run for President
  9. I had background music for my life that changed depending on what was happening and everyone could hear it
  10. Michael Scott didn't leave in season seven
  11. Everyone understood every reference I made
  12. I could go back and watch portions of my life and critique it like an athlete watching game film
  13. It was always 70 degrees and just a little bit cloudy
  14. I was good friends with Will Ferrel and Steve Carell
  15. Traveling was free just like food and gas
  16. I remembered people's names after only hearing them once
  17. The old Verizon guy didn't betray me
  18. I knew if aliens existed
  19. The aliens that probably do exist are nice
  20. I could wear hats without looking like a fool
  21. I could read minds
  22. Napping was a professional sport
  23. I could travel back in time to the 60s 70s or 80s
  24. I was better at making lists
  25. The weather was controllable
  26. Every set of stairs had a slide option
  27. I knew more things about what I wished