Methods of Fitbit Sabotage

I entered a corporate office Fitbit competition and I really want to win. Here are a few ways I plan on doing it.
  1. Attach FB to leg of stranger's dog
    I don't mind the small stride of a pup if I'm getting double the steps from a stranger's four legged friend
  2. Attach FB to arm of electronic Santa Claus
    I sit at a desk all day for my job, thus losing copious amounts of precious step time. Attaching my Bit to this little fellow under my desk will keep a steady step influx while also prolonging holiday cheer
  3. Do 20 jumping jacks before, during, and after every meal.
    This will help me win the fitness and/or heart rate awards. 3 meals. 3 sets of 20 JJ's. That's 180 JJ's a day.
  4. Roll dice ONLY with my FB-wearing arm
    I have been playing a lot of Yahtzee lately, and I've learned that an aggressive roll of the dice can produce 1 to 3 Fitbit steps. I vow never to roll with my dominant hand again; I will use only my left hand and wrist, on which my Fitbit lies.
  5. Virtually disable my right hand
    My right wrist sports no Fitbit. Therefore, it shall not be used. In all possible scenarios, I will use my left hand in order to jiggle the Fitbit more frequently, effectively racking up more false steps throughout the day.
  6. Attach FB to rotating vinyl
    Gotta boost up those miles somehow. I have done the the math and (at 78 rotations per minute) one complete rotation of Lionel Richie's album "Dancing on the Ceiling" yields 6,240 feet of travel distance. I will play this throughout the night, every night, until the competition is over.
  7. Emotionally injure opponents
    I am pretty new at this office but I think I know enough about my coworkers to make a few pretty lethal jabs to their self confidence. For example: during lunch today, I may bring up Bryan's messy divorce. He will probably be so uncomfortable and sad that he won't eat a lot of the tuna salad I saw him bring in this morning. He will then have depleted energy and will most likely be depressed, thus walking way less steps than he would have if I had never brought up his ex-wife in front of everyone
  8. Emotionally injure Brian
    The more I think about it, taking down one specific employee is a good scare tactic for the rest of the office. I will print out the honeymoon pictures of Brian's ex-wife & her new husband Mark, because I am friends with Lisa (Brian's ex-wife) on Facebook. I will post these pictures all over Brian's cubicle with captions like "Mark > Brian" and I will give Lisa a huge speech bubble that says "I really missed my Mark when I married Brian." I'll also pour gravy in Bryan's boots if I get the chance