MY FAVORITE QUOTATIONS

"Some of the best wisdom comes from that which we say with our lips, not that which we say with our brains." -- J.R.R. Tolkien
  1. "One of the great things about books is that sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
    -- George W. Bush, U.S. News & World Report
  2. "I am Nobody. Who are you?"
    -- Emily Dickinson
  3. "Baby I'll try to love again but I know: the first cut is the deepest."
    Sheryl Crow
  4. "You can't trust everyone. For example, your uncle."
    -- my aunt
  5. "Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."
    -- Ron Swanson
  6. "Believe in yourself. But before that, believe in the power of dance."
    -- middle-aged man with beard and denim jacket, under bridge near Michael's
  7. "Love is a myth."
    -- Yao Ming
  8. "We need some Axe spray, and we need it fast."
    -- Unknown
  9. "Say hello to my little friend."
    -- emcee introducing his buddy, a midget slam poet, at the open mic night I accidentally ended up at last weekend, the one where Denise got all grumpy because I said midget and she thinks that word is bad now even though Dwarf sounds just as offensive in my opinion so I called her out for saying other more offensive things about people, and then she got so flustered she went to the restroom while I watched the midget slam poet speak softly into the large black microphone about love & the seasons
  10. "Me, Jane. You, Tarzan. Dammit."
    -- eighth-grade boy at audition (didn't get the part)
  11. "Then just tell the nice Irish girl you are sorry about the Irish joke you made and then you will feel much better I promise. And if she's still mad after you apologize then at least you will know you have done all you can."
    -- my friend Rebecca