My Food Poisonings, Ranked

By popular demand. The essential list. These all happened between 2006-2014, the dark time. I am now scared of every meal and sustain mostly on Kind Bars.
  1. 1.
    Mussels from Brussels
    My most poetic case. This was at a gorgeous hotel in Bruxelles that had paintings from the Museum of Modern Art on loan on the walls of the multiple rooms I WAS VIOLATING. Knew it the second it hit the back of my throat and the suspense was killing me and I DID NOT HOPE IT WOULD LAST! As close to death as it gets. Had the transatlantic flight 2 days later and my spleen hurt.
  2. 2.
    Sushi from the Pittsburgh Airport
    My most ridiculed. Rust belt nigiri. I defend this one. Are you to tell me only people with an ocean view are allowed to eat sushi? Of course not. So how is that sushi getting to you? Truck or plane. And what's faster than a truck? A plane. And what's faster than just getting it from the plane than getting it from where planes sleep, AN AIRPORT! This happened as I was on layover on my way to SD to do a Rosarito to Escondido bike race where the only bike shorts I had were women's bike shorts
  3. 3.
    Frog Legs in the Chunnel
    This started in Paris, ended in London and announced its presence with a verve previously unknown to my kind on the train through the Chunnel. Stat Girl: These frog legs look translucent. Me: These frog legs are delicious!
  4. 4.
    Guinea Fowl in Ghana
    Tactical error.
  5. 5.
    Whole Foods stew
    This smelled precisely the same way coming up as it did going down. Don't remember too much about it and I say that with aplomb because there are fewer things more insulting to food poisoning than calling it unmemorable.
  6. 6.
    Meatballs Super Bowl weekend
    My last/most delicious case of food related illness-though I'm not totally sure if I was poisoned or if it was some sort of ancestral exorcism. Either way it had no staying power because I've gone back to the shop five times since. It was Super Bowl weekend in New York, post-ESPN party with @joshbard @pablotorre. Woke up the next morning and couldn't get off the floor for four hours but then was fine to meet with @Price and Momofuku it up.