Job Interview Tips for the Millennial Graduate in this God Awful Job Market

  1. When being introduced to the interviewer, introduce yourself using the exact same name of the interviewer. This will create LAUGHTER. Laughter is key if you want a job. Employers and Employees enjoy a good laugher. Also, laughter is key if you don't get that job as a result of doing this.
  2. Express to the employer keeness in this particular job, but not over-keeness. Tell them that you want the job, but not that badly. Afterall, jobs are easy to come by, is what they, the employer, must think. Jobs are actually very difficult to come by, especially for those not top of their class and non-Nobel Prize Winners.
  3. Arrive at least 30 minutes late. This is what is known in the business community as a "power play", or sometimes called "leverage". You've tried everything at this stage, to get one, a job, so it can't hurt to try this one.
  4. Bring a bag. A bag of anything really. Just bring a bag. It makes you look professional. Even if that bag is filled to the brim with rejection letters from the other jobs you applied to before you read these tips.
  5. Speaking of which, don't bring up the fact that you have applied to 130 other jobs, not one of which has given you any form of feedback. Make it seem like you are a "job-stealer"/"Job-taker"/"Job-getter" who is the envy of all the companies looking for "talent". Companies meet daily to discuss how best to attract YOU and get YOU to do jobs for them
  6. Make it known that your junior year grades are not an indication of who you are as a student or a person. I bet the interviewer's grades weren't any better. Actually, what were their grades? Ask them. It will make it seem like you are empathetic and take interest in others.
  7. Wear only the finest of your mother's pantsuits or father's suits. The suit must convey excellence, and not spaciousness. If the suit is too spacious, then perhaps slip one more suit on underneath.
  8. Some interviewers will give you three life-lines. Only use these life lines, such as "call a parent" if you are really struglling and feel like the only way you are going to recover is through a call with mom.
  9. If the interviewer asks for references, say that they are available on request. If they request them, then say they're not available. This will buy you time. Hopefully they forget about the fact that you have no references. Most do. But, almost all of them don't.
  10. Remember, you might not have been top of your class, but you are certainly in top position for the jobs you have and haven't applied to after having read and committed to memory this list.