DATES I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS ON

Inspired by @stevecady but like the opposite cuz everyone wants to date me pretty much
  1. 8:55 am, Latin American Literature
    The greasy kid who sat next to me more or less jerked himself off because he had a boner. We had approximately 5 "dates" such as this throughout the semester and did a project together on Isabel Allende.
  2. Walk home from a party freshman year with kid I met 1 hour prior.
    "Do you have a boyfriend?" "No." "So am I your boyfriend?"
  3. Fourth of July, 2013
    Missed fireworks to continue great convo with old friend from grade school who had "stopped drinking" and was "working on improving" himself. He got wasted and confessed his love for me. My ex-boyfriend essentially held his hair back while he puked.
  4. Giant Food Store, table by organic section
    In-store sushi chef asked to sit with me while he waited for his ride. I thought he was a customer. He initiated friendly conversation and he asked me about school, how long I've worked there, and what the name of this store is. I mostly nod and agree due to slight language barrier. After 5 minutes he asked me if I was busy after work and said, "come to my house - very big."
  5. 9 am meeting with professor
    Mandatory check-in before we left for Thanksgiving break. I was heading to the train station right from class and had the essentials in my backpack. I pulled out a folder to hand him an assignment and as we are chatting about my career plans I realize one of my bras fell out and was laying on the floor of his office. He pretended not to notice but he was definitely into it.