HOW TO FLIRT ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION

*Not suited for amateur flirts*
  1. Acknowledge (to yourself) attractive man that approaches bus stop
  2. Make a literal ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ face when he looks at you because a crazy lady said something to him along the lines of "I know what you did to me on the Internet."
  3. Get on bus right after him.
  4. Oh the bus is packed. Nice! Guess you should just casually stand next to him.
  5. Listen to his conversation with some old guy with red leather earmuffs that he apparently knows. Wonder how they know each other and think of possible places the bus soulmate could be going at 12pm on a Sunday. Respect the fact that he is wearing a trench coat and carrying an umbrella.
  6. Look around for crazy lady (who is still on bus even though she said she was only going to be on for one stop) because you wanna talk about her to Soulmate but you don't want her to hear.
  7. Seats are opening up, you sit down and he sits in the seat directly behind you. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE.
  8. Crazy lady is toward back of bus so you feel ready to turn around and say, "What did you do to that lady?" Or, "You're not even going to apologize to her?" Or something equally as witty.
  9. Start to position yourself more toward the center aisle so it's not an obvious turn-around which would imply to Soulmate that this was pre-meditated.
  10. Say to self, "fuck," as bus stops and soulmate gets off. Watch him walk away and sort of strain your neck in doing so.
  11. Check Craigslist a day later to see if he wrote a missed connection about you.
    He likely did not.
  12. Meet your friends for brunch and tell them how you talked to a hot guy on the bus.
  13. Repeat