SEXY, CAN I

If you're sexy and you know it, stay away
  1. Take a stalker pic of you from across this Starbucks without you noticing?
  2. Impress you by drinking my beer faster than you?
  3. Offend you by assuming you were joking when you said you support Ben Carson?
  4. Emasculate you by refusing to let you pay and then feeling bad about it so I insist that I pay for everything?
  5. Amuse you with my quirky tinder bios such as "Tingle my pringle" or "Diq magnet"?
  6. Confuse you by being simultaneously overly confident and disturbingly self-deprecating?
  7. Bother you for a tissue because I'm having yet another public nosebleed?
  8. Frighten you by asking for your full birthday and those of your closest family and friends?
  9. Annoy you by my unwillingness to change?
  10. Encourage you to love me?