SEXY, CAN I
If you're sexy and you know it, stay away
- •Take a stalker pic of you from across this Starbucks without you noticing?
- •Impress you by drinking my beer faster than you?
- •Offend you by assuming you were joking when you said you support Ben Carson?
- •Emasculate you by refusing to let you pay and then feeling bad about it so I insist that I pay for everything?
- •Amuse you with my quirky tinder bios such as "Tingle my pringle" or "Diq magnet"?
- •Confuse you by being simultaneously overly confident and disturbingly self-deprecating?
- •Bother you for a tissue because I'm having yet another public nosebleed?
- •Frighten you by asking for your full birthday and those of your closest family and friends?
- •Annoy you by my unwillingness to change?
- •Encourage you to love me?