Eligible gents hmu
  1. My phone won't let me delete the Bumble app
  2. My grandmother sent me a coupon in the mail for a free pair of sexy underoos at Victoria's Secret
  3. My mom recently said to me "you can't take that body with you" as in, to the afterlife
  4. I keep getting emails for ChristianMingle and JDate
    "We literally don't care what religion you are just DATE SOMEONE you loser."
  5. My Groupon offers have been overwhelmingly heavy on "deep tissue massages for two"
  6. The cap of my Magic Hat beer the other day said "make an attraction a distraction"