TIMES I'M A BAD FRIEND

For the record I am a GREAT friend 👭 👫 👯
  1. When I physically cannot be happy for you because you got something I wanted
    A job, a dog, someone that loves you, $100 cash, a dozen doughnuts etc
  2. When I know I owe you like $20 but I'm taking my sweet time getting it to you
    I didn't forget, I'm just poor
  3. When your birthday present is sitting in my bedroom and your birthday was a month ago
    It's a mug with badly-drawn politicians all over it. You'll like it if it ever gets to you
  4. When your wedding present is sitting in my bedroom and your wedding was in August
    In my defense it got sent back to me like 3 months ago
  5. When I get pissed that we don't go to the burger place I want to go to because your a vegetarian
    😑😐😑😐😑
  6. When I'm totally not listening to you tell me about your stressful work situation because I'm on Twitter or something
    You really just needed to vent so I doubt you care
  7. When I accidentally laugh/smile at something I read on my phone while I'm pretending to listen
    Ok I understand if you're pissed
  8. When I don't like your Instagram out of spite because I wasn't there/am jealous
    I, nonetheless, expect you to like 100% of my posts
  9. When I'm too honest
    Ok if you didn't want me to tell you that that dress is unflattering then why did you ask
  10. When I'm inappropriate/indiscreet
    "Tori, this is John." "Oh yea you're the guy she fucked in the bathroom last weekend."