WAYS I'VE KILLED THE MOOD
- •Made fun of the wine he opened"Barefoot? Really breaking out the good stuff for me tonight."
- •Quizzed him on U.S. state capitals"I'll only kiss you if you can name the capital of Vermont."
- •Vomited mid-blow job"Do you want me to keep going?"
- •Joked about his tattoo of a number"Is that your (hotel) room number?" "No, it's the day my friend died."
- •Accidentally locked myself in his bathroom"I didn't poop I swear!"
- •Refused romantic ferris wheel ride due to irrational fear"Um, have you ever seen Mighty Joe Young?
- •Let my true intentions show when I drunkenly pounced on a friend"This is only happening because I dreamt it and wanted to have control over the situation."
- •Had zero chill when I kissed a long-time crush"I've been waiting four years for this."
- •Critiqued his technique"Have you ever touched a boob before?"
- •Showed my hand"So there's this app..."