WAYS I'VE KILLED THE MOOD

Boners beware
  1. Made fun of the wine he opened
    "Barefoot? Really breaking out the good stuff for me tonight."
  2. Quizzed him on U.S. state capitals
    "I'll only kiss you if you can name the capital of Vermont."
  3. Vomited mid-blow job
    "Do you want me to keep going?"
  4. Joked about his tattoo of a number
    "Is that your (hotel) room number?" "No, it's the day my friend died."
  5. Accidentally locked myself in his bathroom
    "I didn't poop I swear!"
  6. Refused romantic ferris wheel ride due to irrational fear
    "Um, have you ever seen Mighty Joe Young?
  7. Let my true intentions show when I drunkenly pounced on a friend
    "This is only happening because I dreamt it and wanted to have control over the situation."
  8. Had zero chill when I kissed a long-time crush
    "I've been waiting four years for this."
  9. Critiqued his technique
    "Have you ever touched a boob before?"
  10. Showed my hand
    "So there's this app..."