Why You Went on a Date With Me and Never Texted Me Again

Date me or hate me the choice is yours
  1. My profile said I "make good guacamole" but it was lumpy af and under-seasoned
  2. My hair looked ombré and chic but actually smelled like Chick-Fil-A
  3. My cleavage looked inviting but the left one fell out intermezzo
  4. My intelligence drew you in but my knowledge of the Kardashians legit threatened you
  5. My jokes seemed funny but they actually were at your dispense
  6. I said I was "into whiskey" but ordered Jameson with a side of pickle juice
  7. It was my birthday, you already slept with me and I ordered a $7 beer
  8. I told you you'd love my "signature scent" but it's just my Dove dry shampoo
  9. You were into dudes and I didn't fit the bill