Maria Kondo wrote a very successful book about decluttering your home and life. I should probably read it. In the meantime, here is some unsolicited advice.
  1. If you haven't worn it in the last year, throw it out.
    Old concert tshirts, wedding dress, christening gown? Who needs it.
  2. You don't need all those kitchen gadgets
    Challenge yourself to cook using only your bare hands and, like, one pot. It will be like a game show where you consistently win [a subpar meal]
  3. Just get rid of everything
    Who needs stuff? Not you. Donate, throw away, or sell it all. Live like a caveman. You're already doing the Paleo diet, so why not?
  4. Trade in all of your beauty products for a combination shampoo-conditioner-body wash
    Just get used to compromising, this is your life now.
  5. Delete all of your emails
    Even the saved ones. Embrace the ignorance. Isn't that empty inbox a relief? Who cares if you lose your job? You don't need to buy stuff anyway - you're a caveman, remember?