THINGS MY FRIENDS DO TO SIGNAL HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THEY ARE WITH HOW MUCH MY HUSBAND LOVES MY CAT
I have to say though, he is a pretty spectacular cat.
- •They request me to write a list of things I've overheard my husband saying to my cat.This is spiteful.
- •They fall silent when my husband baby-talks to my cat.
- •They laugh nervously when my husband walks around the house holding my cat like a baby.
- •They quickly (but not-so-stealthily) convert their nervous energy to enthusiasm by pretending to love my cat as much as we do.(The weak will choose this route.)
- •They ask me what my cat is being for Halloween or make suggestions on his costume when we have no intention of dressing him up.They simply assume we're the type of crazy fucks that would of course costume our cat.
- •They try to change the subject and talk about other things when my husband crawls around on all fours chasing my cat.
- •They quickly claim to be allergic to cats yet exhibit no symptoms of said cat allergy.All Benadryl, no chill.
- •They begin to talk to my cat as well.And realize how fulfilling cat-talk can be... while my cat must know this cat talk is a complete farce.
- •They passive-aggressively ask me how my cat is doing over the phone.He's good but he hates you.
- •In a group dinner setting, they say in front of my husband and I to other friends "have you seen the way he acts with their cat?!"We're right here. We're hearing this.
- •They make it clear through means of repetitive verbal behavior that they just "aren't cat people.""Except your cat is cool" wasn't delivered very believably.
- •I catch them taking secret photos in our home of our framed photos of my husband and our cat, so they can show their friends.Proof of life.
- •I have to finish this list now... my husband is asking me to come in the kitchen."Honey come look at the cat right now."