I QUIT ONLINE DATING

What a fucking relief.
  1. I deleted OkCupid, Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and Happn yesterday.
    Jeeeeez bro. So many apps. What was he doing? Sounds pretty desperate. Possibly pathetic. Def thirsty.
  2. It started as an attempt to put myself out there.
    Here's the pitch: It's tough to meet people, and even harder to make meaningful human connections. And love? Love?! That elusive beast; your white whale. How about a shortcut? Here's a huge pool of people you don't already know. And guess what? They're looking too. This might be just the ticket. Remember: you can't win if you don't play. Right? Let's give it a shot.
  3. And it was fun for a while.
    A little too fun.
  4. Until I started to feel like I was in too deep.
    Nothing lasted. I needed more. At home or on the road. I just needed to find someone else to talk to. I just needed to line up another date. And another. And I'd get so frustrated when this supposedly easy way to connect with people failed me. "I've got the day off on tour in Cleveland. If I can't meet someone, I have failed." And what did I even want? Someone to talk to? To get laid? A cure for loneliness? Partnership? All of the above?
  5. And along with that came an unhealthy mindset.
    Why did she stop talking to me when it seemed like we were getting somewhere? Why did she cancel plans at the last second? Why did she not reply when I asked her out on a second date? What am I doing wrong? Why isn't this fun anymore?
  6. There wasn't a rock-bottom, or anything. I just woke up and realized I wanted out. Or, as Danny Glover would say, "I'm getting too old for this shit." So I pulled the plug.
    And I know that simply deleting some apps won't instantly solve all my problems. I know that rejection is in no way exclusive to online dating. And I know that with all this stuff, it's not just "them;" it's a two way street. And I know that I've got plenty to work do on myself.
  7. Thinking back: it wasn't all dark though.
    I have met some truly great people online, whom I never would've encountered otherwise. And how else could I have written those lists of strange Tinder Bios? And, oh right: I have a buttload of stories. A proverbial buttload. Ask me about how I got a free trip to New Zealand via an OkCupid connection... Another tale for another time.
  8. So when I tried to quit Tinder, it kept giving me an error that it was unable to delete my account.
    Four times. Those fuckers. I restarted my phone and finally...
  9. Liberation!
  10. I feel like a weight has been lifted.
    I'm looking forward to having a little more free time. Maybe I'll get more reading done. I'm also hoping to get better at offline dating -- just because I've deleted these apps doesn't mean I've given up. I still have a lot of love to give.
  11. I started writing this list in an Uber yesterday. It was an Uber Pool, and my pool-mate Rachel was riding shotgun. Halfway through the ride I looked up from the backseat and noticed that she was Tindering. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?
    Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe.