MUSIC HISTORY FROM MEMORY
I think this is everything.
- •1850s - The rivalry between Brahms and Wagner:This divide between the "conservative" and "radical" composers, respectively, played out mostly on Twitter. It ended with a dick measuring contest. Wagner's dick was obviously the longer, but Brahms was better at measuring. It was a draw.
- •1950s - The birth of Rock and Roll:Sun Records guy Sam Phillips discovers Elvis Presley, goes about ripping off black music and repackaging it for white people. But they use this gnarly shrink-wrap and it's impossible to open. So nobody ever hears Rock and Roll.
- •1967 - The formation of The Stooges:Iggy Pop and the Asheton Brothers found themselves all fucking the same box of wine at the same time. And then they decided to form The Stooges.
- •1969 - The Stones play Altamont:It was awesome! Catering had these amazing cookies that were still warm from the oven, and Ronnie Wood stole a golf cart and crashed it into David Crosby.
- •1976 - The affair that nearly broke up Fleetwood Mac:You wouldn't have guessed it, but John MacVie used to bugger Mick Fleetwood all the time. Tightest rhythm section ever. Their no-strings-attached pounding inspired the album The Very Best of Fleetwood Mac
- •1988 - The Beach Boys form in Hawthorne, CABrian Wilson met Mike Love on a Beach Boys fansite message board. They were both looking to start a Beach Boys cover band, but instead they started the Beach Boys.
- •1991-1997 - The East Coast-West Coast hip hop rivalry:It started as a disagreement over the ethics of combining human and animal DNA for stem cell research. Puff Daddy won.
- •2002 - The Beatles break up:Ringo ghosted the other three guys, and started a new band with Scott Weiland, Duff McKagen, and Slash.
- •2010 - Joanna Newsom releases "Have One On Me":I lie on the ground, turn off the lights, and listen to all 124 minutes of it, getting up to flip and switch out the three records. I cry intermittently. When I finish, Joanna walks in and asks "So what did you think?" I say, "You may be a nut, but you're my nut." We've been married ever since.
- •2013 - "The Day the Music Died":That's when Color Me Badd broke up for the second time.