ODDS ARE HIGH I WILL FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE IF...

All true. I ain't got no type. Sung to the tune of @zoe.
  1. One or more of these: glasses, slightly fucked up teeth, red hair, slouchy posture, child-bearing hips.
    I'm so superficial, I know.
  2. OR: you have perfect posture, like dancer's posture.
    I'm not so superficial.
  3. Tattoos (literary references a plus, no long quotations though, unless it's something really good. If there are a lot of them, a thoughtfulness to placement is important), nose piercings (septum is cool, but not if it's uneven -- you know what I'm talking about?), dyed hair (nothing toooo saturated)
    I like "edgy," just not too edgy. Once I almost immediately proposed to a woman with a Nabokov tattoo: Scrabble tiles of V & N next to a butterfly. C'mon man.
  4. You're way too busy for me.
    "Hard to get" is really really real, y'all.
  5. You make me laugh.
    At various points I've been told I'm an intimidating audience. But it is truly not hard to make me laugh. Especially if you're an attractive woman. Wait, this has become a moebius loop of attraction...
  6. You layer clashing patterns and bold solids.
    Gets me every time.
  7. You're on no form of social media.
    No offense, anybody here, but mystery is the sexiest.
  8. You smell like Juicy Fruit gum.
    A childhood touchstone of what girls are supposed to smell like. Proustian.
  9. You play well with words, or laugh at my bad puns, or actively hate my bad puns.
    Walking dad-joke over here.
  10. You will dance with me as intensely and wildly as I dance.
    No dancing is one of my few deal breakers. Another is someone who just mimics all of my moves without adding anything of their own. Giggling is fine, great even.
  11. You're alone, leaning against a wall at a concert, and it looks like you've been crying.
    Self explanatory.
  12. You're alone at the movie theater, seeing something interesting. I'm alone at the same theater, seeing the same thing. We're sitting near enough to notice each other, but it's too dark to discern details.
    We're probably at the Cinefamily. When the lights come up we will share a look, and go our separate ways.
  13. You're wearing a Royal Trux t-shirt.
    Happened one time. It was HOMEMADE?!? Turned out she was gay.
  14. You look at me the right way.
    Or any way really.
  15. You tell me that you find me attractive.
    It's that easy.
  16. I don't think you find me attractive.
    It really is that easy.
  17. Meet while SCHVITZING!!!
    Suggested by   @miggles36