WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME
Do you ever wish dating profiles would just cut to the chase? "You're funny, smart, cute, have good taste... There must be SOMETHING deeply wrong with you." Let's dive right in.
- •I'm overly sensitive.The smallest things set me off. I live in fear of being unliked by anybody. I misread the most meaningless behavior in others as purposeful, finite, directed... like I'm some emotional conspiracy theorist. BUT l've hardened up some as I've gotten older, and more and more I find myself being zen and TRYING not to sweat the small stuff. Or the big stuff.
- •I don't drive. And I've lived in Los Angeles all my life.Standard deal-breaker. I got into a minor accident when I was learning to drive. It was like a switch got flipped: "YOU ARE A KLUTZ, AND A CAR IS A KILLING MACHINE," I told myself. I was in therapy about it for a bit, then went off to college and let it fall by the wayside. I still experience some shame about this, BUT I've devised a lifestyle that doesn't rely on driving. This issue rarely limits my social life, as it once did (thank you Uber). If I were to move to NY this would be a non-issue.
- •I'm bad at reading signals.You're totally into me and want me to make a move? This comes as a complete shock. I'll probably come to learn this from someone else months later, and by then you'll be seeing someone else. OR this old chestnut: you're not into me, and you unaggressively distance yourself from me? I will hound you to hang out again. For ever. Even if you're seeing someone else. I'm certain this is all self-sabotage and actually has very little to do with the other person.
- •I have great difficulty saying no.I spent nearly a decade undervaluing my talents, accepting any work that came my way, doing way too many favors. Many of these decisions were made in service of not upsetting others, desperately not wanting to be unliked. I've been trying to put my own stuff first these days, to some degree of success. BUT maybe more importantly, I've recently discovered how to make somebody else's ideas my own, and feel ownership over a project that isn't "mine." That's been extremely rewarding.
- •It's hard for me to be impulsive.I need to make plans way in advance. I have to have a map in my mind of how things will go. I can't deal with last minute changes, or schedule disruption. Or flakiness. For me, free time is sacred, so I hate to waste it. I'd love to be able to up and buy a ticket someplace wild with someone I've just met. I'm sure I will one day.
- •I do things to others that I find unacceptable when others do them to me.Such a hypocrite! I flake out. I'm selfish. I'm needy. I guess we all do this though, right? Do we all do most of this stuff?
- •I've never been in love.In that really real way that you feel in your marrow, when you go completely insane AND the feelings are mutual. Never experienced that. The unrequited thing, on the other hand, is a default. Or maybe that's just a deep-seated combination of horniness and not wanting to die alone? Hard to say. Most of this is related to some deep fear of commitment. I'm aware of that. BUT I know that I would like to share this unique and mysterious feeling with someone. And I believe that someone is out there.
- •BUT...We all have our issues. And I'm working on mine. Most of them anyway. And there's so much RIGHT about me, and about all of us. Enough to fill endless lists.