Favorite Jswipe Bios

I'm a little late to the game but last week I discovered JSwipe. JSwipe, for those who don't know, is a dating app like Tinder for Jewish people. It also allows non-Jewish people like me to create a profile to find their dream Jewish bae. While swiping through, I've come across some bios that have made me laugh, cry, and cringe. Here are a few:
  1. "Just jewin' around"
    This is number one because it is my personal number one.
  2. "Shalom"
    Short and sweet - probably like his circumcised penis.
  3. "I'm that nice Jewish boy your mom has always talked about."
    Someone thinks highly of himself!
  4. "Oh and spoiler alert, I'm Jewish."
    Such a nice guy - he had the decency to warn me about his religion.
  5. "Jew life tatted even though not supposed to #whoops"
    Not only does this show he's having an identity crisis but also that he needs to work on his grammar.
  6. "BBQ"
    I'm still laughing.
  7. "I may not be the nice Jewish boy you want, but I'm the strong Jewish man you need."
    Good to know, thanks.
  8. "I like discounts, matzah ball soup, long walks to shuel, and the occasional beard face.
    Just your average Orthodox-Kosher Jew.
  9. "Better in person"
    At least he's honest.
  10. "I'm Sephardic what more could you want..."
    Nothing I guess?
  11. "Nothing prepared me for j-swag."
    Same. Also I'd like to note that this man's name is Jupiter.
  12. "Going to medical school to be 'a nice Jewish dactah'."
    He tried. That's all I could ask for.
  13. "I love God and I love women lol. But seriously that is true"
    Thank you for reassuring me.
  14. "I have two weaknesses. One is quoting Papa Roach lyrics and the other is I care too much."
    I feel sorry for this guy because Papa Roach is still relevant to him.
  15. "My mother and her friends all say I'm a handsome mensch."
    It can't get better than that.