WHY HE GHOSTED

  1. When I was 19 I brought the guy I was dating at the time a dead moth that I placed in a match box as a gift from Jamaica.
  2. I saw the movie Brick when it first came out and was convinced that cigarettes with a blue arrow existed, then proceeded to take my date on a scavenger hunt to find them.
  3. He was trying to sext/flirt via text and I sent him a picture of Homer Simpson that I made out of fondant.
  4. I told him I collected guillotines of various shapes and sizes, from cigar cutters, an action figure named Guillotina, to a bagel guillotine.
  5. He was a law student and we followed all the same blogs, read the same books, listened to the same podcasts and he felt like he had nothing left to teach me.
  6. I walked in on him blow drying his butthole
  7. In the morning while I was getting ready for work I heard him screaming from my bedroom. My cat decided to spray him while he was asleep.
  8. I wasn't comfortable with my body yet and had just started my period. I felt like my body betrayed me. When we were in his bedroom and he reached up my dress I sat up, crossed my legs, shut my eyes and started singing Closing Time until he stopped touching me and drove me home.
  9. I told him that as an adult women I still get nightmares about Freddy Krueger.