What You DON'T Want To Hear Your Pilot Say

  1. Gooooood afternoon, welcome to Travel Airlines Flight 6154 to Atlanta.
  2. Now that we are at the proper altitude feel free to take off your seat belt and stand up.
  3. We have lovely flying conditions out in the skies today, and...
  4. ...OHMYFUCKINGGOD NO NO NO NO NO NO NO OH MY GOD NO NO NO OK....
  5. ...sorry about that folks it's back in its cage. Tricky devil figured out how to open locks. Anyway...
  6. For those of you who have never flown before, guess what?
  7. Neither have I.
  8. Consider this our last night as "sky virgins".
  9. And, if everything goes well with this flight attendant in my cockpit, this'll be my last night as a land virgin, too.
  10. ...oh yeah one last thing...
  11. Justin Bieber will be on this flight.
  12. Bye...safe trip.