Reasons I'm Like This 😓

I'm an introvert who loves the outdoors and I have a highly sensitive personality (HSP) - watch the Ted talks about HSPs - who's emotionally vulnerable and does everything based around either himself or a love interest, whenever they come around..
  1. My parents divorced when I was young
  2. My father left when I was in 3rd grade and when I found him at 18 yrs of age, he closed the door on my face
  3. My mother re-married and I'm pretty sure it was just for money
  4. Growing up I saw school as an arbitrary hurdle that I was supposed to leap over to achieve adulthood
  5. Waited until I was 18 to have sex
  6. Had my juvenile heart broken
  7. College drop out
  8. Not religious but I do believe in something and I'm not exactly sure what that "something" is.
    I believe that when I talk to it, I am either talking to myself, or I am talking to all that's out there - all the elements in all their connections. I am heard, but not in a conversational way. It is more of a communion of energy with other energies out there. An answer to a prayer can come as wisdom or inspiration, but will never be in terms of tangible gifts or favors. God is not that mundane. And I believe that God is much greater than a male judgemental emotional being.
  9. Because I was an angry child
    I couldn't help it. It was automatic. And guess what.. I'm still angry. Only, I've learned to channel it into beautiful things. Sometimes it leaks through and I may give life to a disappointment for longer than I should but that's manageable. I know when I'm angry, I'm fully aware. And I believe we have the right to be angry. How we deal with it is key. Identify the triggers and instead of erasing them ('cause that doesn't fix anything) try confronting them and take control.
  10. I'm mixed race and I can't identify with one of the two ethnicities in the least bit. When I fill out forms asking me for my ethnicity and race I feel lost, so I choose to decline.
  11. Because I was finally diagnosed with ADHD after 29 yrs
  12. Got a job as a 1:1 in a private school tailored for children with multiple special needs who were taught in self contained classrooms
  13. Fell in love with said job and moved from NJ to FL to give college another try to become a teacher
  14. Had to move back in with my parents (mother and step-dad) when I returned to college; meaning I'll be 31 when I graduate and then I can finally move out for the very last time.
  15. Put off dating and relationships when I went back for my higher education.. until her.
  16. She made me believe in love at first sight. She made me believe that someone could accept me for me. She and I believed we both found our person. I showed her someone could love her unconditionally, and she showed me the same. She woke up one day and decided to push it all away.
    I do not resent her for this. I must learn to accept the decision. It's just hard to wrap your mind around something you don't understand, especially when it comes out of nowhere and hits you, leaving you there with no voice to call for help. I'm proud of every moment we shared together and hope she knows just how incredible of a human being she really is.
  17. My grandfather held it together until my grandmother was no longer his responsibility and then he was able to finally let go and be at peace.
  18. I thrive on identifying similarities between myself and fictional characters only to hope my life can turn out like theirs.
  19. Society frowns on men who cry and I was forever told not to. Well, I cry. I cry a lot. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I feel lost, I cry when everything is just right.
    Sometimes nothing can express the emotion in the moment besides tears. I wish it didn't happen as often as it does, especially when I'm trying to have a discussion, but there's just no holding it back.
  20. So here I am, still finding and making reasons as to why I'm like this.