DAILY RITUALS OF THE SELF-IDENTIFIED "ENTREPRENEUR"

  1. Wake up
  2. Snort 15 adderall
  3. Tweet about waking up early to lift weights
  4. Put on neon green Nike sweatsuit w/ black lettering/logo and do six sets of 20 push-ups on front lawn
  5. Check LinkedIn, log off angry
  6. Tweet about "being blessed for another day to grind it out for the lord"
  7. Write down motivation axioms in blue Meade notebook
  8. Drive silver Acura to town gas station and buy large Arctic Frost Gatorade to mix pre-workout with
  9. Drive to gym to meet up with Cody for leg day
  10. Squat 405 three times and throw up blood afterward and tweet about throwing up blood after squatting 405 three times
  11. Stop at chipotle on way home and ask for "extra chicken, of course, big man"
  12. Play bocci ball with Grandpa because you live with your Italian grandparents in New Jersey
  13. Watch the Marcus Dupree 30-for-30 on your DVR
  14. Borrow 30 dollars from your Italian grandma for haircut
  15. Tweet about haircut
  16. Go on Tindr on iPhone 4s while getting haircut
  17. Get rejected
  18. Laugh audibly during haircut at getting rejected whilst man cutting your hair (trying to talk to you this whole time) starts laughing awkwardly along with you.