INTERESTING THINGS I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO

  1. Bet on sporting events with a collegiate championship
    I am a tutor for the Athletics Association at my school. I work with a lot of high-profile D1 football players. At orientation, they told us that we are technically "NCAA Insiders," and legally are not allowed to gamble any sporting event with a college championship--as in, I can't bet on professional football, bowling, hockey, ect
  2. Talk about my job as an NCAA tutor
    Oops
  3. Wear contacts in the pool
    They tell everyone this and most people don't follow the rule. But I almost went blind 3 years ago with an corneal ulcer from wearing contacts in a hotel pool. It was really scary. Don't do it.
  4. Retweet @ClickHole articles at my former internship
    I was an intern at The Georgia Review for about a year. They're a fairly prestigious literary journal, an often contend for NMAs alongside places like Tin House. Part of my responsibilities was to run their social media accounts, but they got mad at me for curating clickhole stuff.
  5. Call my dad "sir"
    He hates it
  6. Watch Tommy Boy around my 11 year-old brothers
    Mom won't let me because I got too scared when I saw part of it (I think I was 4) and ran away during the scene where the deer destroyed the car, and I fell down a full flight of stairs into the basement. It scared my parents.
  7. Use elevators
    With my girlfriend. She is horrified of them.