THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME ON MY FIRST NIGHT IN BARCELONA

Between 9-2:30 am
  1. Ate a dinner of gummy bears
  2. Hostel roommate tells me he is a porn star
  3. Hostel roommate offers me cocaine
  4. Other hostel roommate went to the same university as me
  5. Different hostel roommate went to rival high school
  6. Witnessed two people having sex on a beach approximately 20 feet from a major sidewalk
  7. Was offered cocaine and MDMA by homeless peddlers
  8. Bought beer from homeless man and drank it with my friends on the beach
  9. Flossed my teeth